idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
