I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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