I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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