you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
