It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
