I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
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