we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
