There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
