Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
