Nicole vs. Life
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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