Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
