Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
