imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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