There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
