Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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