Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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