just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
