Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
