I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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