how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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