Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
