Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
