Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
