I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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