i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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