Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
