Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
