he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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