Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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