I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
