My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
