About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
you never un-have a 4some
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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