Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
What a dumb baby whore.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
