Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
