When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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