I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
