So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
