Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
