why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
