Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
