dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
she peed on how many people?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
