Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
