You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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