those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
