He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
