my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
