Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
