ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
