if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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