So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
