the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
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